We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
