good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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