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Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
