Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
