what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
