Swine flu. Run for my life!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize