Plan B is the new Plan A
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
