How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize