Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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