He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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