I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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