if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize