he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
