I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
