So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
