I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
