Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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