So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize