If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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