and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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