i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
