That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He shit in the fireplace
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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