Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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