so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
