I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
birth control should be required to get into college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
