you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
