North Korea, Best Korea!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i've created a new STD.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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