Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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