I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
