just come out here and I will go home with you...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
