My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
