R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize