Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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