At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
A+ Viking dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
