I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
