it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
