i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
