did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize