I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
