Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
