I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
