fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
