people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love having hate sex.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
