sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize