I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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