do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
