i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
