So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
