theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
