I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize