I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
