And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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