Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
