Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
