You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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