I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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