Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
