the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
