shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
