He had one of those small greek statue penises
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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