I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
