I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize