Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
