my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
