you guys were way drunker than both of me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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