omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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