Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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