Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize