Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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