I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
