It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
