I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Soap is not a condiment
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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