I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize