it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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