Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
