He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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