Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
