I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
