problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
