What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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