I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
