WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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