Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
