Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
