I just saw a hot homeless man
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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