I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
