i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
