i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
