we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
