what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
