i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
