The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
