If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hippo gnu deer
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize