Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
