Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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